Friday, February 12, 2010

A Cat's Diary

{My cat, Doyle}

I know I've seen this somewhere before, but when my aunt forwarded this e-mail, I just had to post it for you guys! This pretty much sums up the state of my home.

A Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

15 comments:

  1. HAHA, definitely smiling after reading this! I know for sure my cat has it out for me -- especially when I'm near stairs ...

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  2. Oooh...she is poere Doyle cat!-)*
    I made me smily,dear Whimsy with you story!

    Have a beauty Valentine!-)))

    With Love,

    ***Violetta***

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  3. Oh, I have not stopped laughing!

    "I observe him communicate with the guards regularly"

    Brilliant. Probably true :)

    Thank you for the best laugh today.

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  4. P.S. Your new avatar picture c'est tres chic.

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  5. I remember reading this once, and it's a joy to read it again. SO funny!

    Happy Valentine's Day to you, Jen...

    XO,

    Sheila :-)

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  6. OMG, even my husband laughed while I read this to him. Now that has to be funny! I hate it when my cat brings me presents :\

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  7. LOL, this is too cute!

    Happy Heart Day Jen!

    LuLu♥

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  8. Whoever wrote that is REALLY creative. Jealous.

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  9. Oh my gosh, that picture is TOO funny.

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  10. soooo cute. hahaha. it looks like he's having fun! :D

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  11. That is totally how cats are. I can't believe you cat lets you give it a bath. Our cat claws us to death when she is even in the same room with running water.

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  12. lol your cat looks so royally pissed! Yikes, hope he doesn't still have his front claws...

    The Cat's Diary is hilarious. I especially love the Dog's counterpart to it :)

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  13. Thats the funniest thing ever :D I love the cat's diary :)

    And ur cat is soooo cuteee!!!

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